[I wrote this for The Huffington Post. You can read this article on the HuffPost site as well: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/courtney-odonnell/incorrect-transgender-pronoun-gender-identity-usage-media_b_1848471.html ]
With incorrect, offensive, or downright transphobic phrases like “man in a dress,” “male-to-female transsexual,” “he calls himself Brandi,” or, likely the most offensive of them all, “he-she,” mainstream media simply cannot get it right. Sometimes it’s deliberate, especially in tabloids and other media that use exploitation to generate revenue. In other instances ignorance prevails in the media by those who ought to know better.
In addition, even if one is aware of proper transgender terms or pronoun use, writers make gaffes, anchors misspeak, copy editors get confused, and proofreaders change previously fixed errors back into mistakes again.
Should it be this way? Of course not. But until awareness of all things transgender becomes the norm in this world, I suggest we not blow gaskets but simply correct, educate, and move on.
Indeed, in my writings on transgender topics, I’ve lost track of a person’s correct gender more than once. In instances of research, contradicting sources left me choosing to use gender-neutral terms like “person” instead. Often, there is very little truly factual in the media to work from.
Recently I wrote about a trans person killed in a shooting. The only credible piece of evidence that suggested the victim was a trans person was an undated photo released by the police. There were no comments from friends or relatives or other clues indicating which gender the victim usually presented as. Rather than speculate, I choose to use gender-neutral terms. After the article was published, I faced harsh criticism from one set of people for not using female pronouns (as the police photo suggested I should have), and at the same time I literally was blasted by another set of people for “insulting” trans people with gender-neutral terms. I didn’t bother to read the hate comments from people who insisted that the victim was “obviously” male.
Not too long ago a prominent LGBT organization was discredited by a transgender blogger for getting a supposed trans victim’s gender wrong, causing a bit of a ruckus, but another blogger uncovered evidence that the LGBT organization’s report was correct all along. Meanwhile, I ended up changing the gender ID of the victim I was writing about three times, trying to stay factually correct.
In addition to the frequent lack of facts, know this: There are very few of us writing almost exclusively on trans issues, and most of us are likely unpaid and don’t have a second set of eyes looking over the material. In reporting, paramount are the four “w”s: who, what, where, and when. On trans topics, correct gender and pronouns are added to that mix. And with the source material likely loaded with incorrect or purely speculated gender IDs, we have our hands full.
If any one of us trans writers, or our allies, should make a gender or pronoun error, know that we’re likely doing the best we can, and it is often a no-win game. If you must disagree, just make your case and be nice. We’re here to learn, too.
Please note, however, that there is no excuse for any media to deliberately misinform or launch a hate piece.
I am sorry you have to deal with the hate for getting some things wrong. It would be hard to have your job and making it all correct based on one photo.. I my self would rather see you talking in gender nutural than have it wrong and upsetting that many more.. It is people like you who help us to move ahead and have great futures.
I have a trans* friend, and a few times, when we’re having a discussion on her page on FB, a few of us still slip up and say ‘he’. This is usually when we’re talking about an event in the past, before her transition, when we knew her as a male. We usually just go something along the lines of “Sorry! Gah, this gets confusing at times, lol. I was thinking of you as ‘he’ because at the time, you were ‘he’, and I wasn’t paying enough attention.” And we have a laugh, and move on.
I guess sometimes, you gotta have a laugh, and move on. Slip ups happen. Relax. If it’s unintentional, and/or not meant in the spirit of being malicious, then relax. I’d rather see gender neutral pronouns being used than the wrong ones. Until you know for certain, better safe than sorry.
I’d be offended, as a woman, if I was a victim of a crime, and my identity, and gender, were not released, and I was referred to as ‘he’, because the writer found it more convenient, then using gender neutral terms. And I’m not trans*.
I feel my transition is not just mine. I have forced a transition on all those around me without their permission and I do not get huffy if they make a mistake. My sweet 94 year old mother has been a challenge. She loves me dearly the way I am and in describing me to her friends I finally got her to describe me as “her one and only” because she cannot say “daughter”. She just cannot make the change. But she does buy clothes for me and we are fine with my transition every other way.